“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance?”
“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the dumb ones that need the advice"
"It's a tuesday but were havin' a good time anyway!"
"Suicide hotline... please hold"
"You guys line up alphabetically by height"
"Men, Chocolate, and coffe are all better rich"
"If you were a booger I'd pick you first”
"i'm not really this tall, i'm sitting on my wallet"
“People will accept your ideas more readily if Benjamin Franklin said them first”
“Never believe anything until it has been officially denied”
“Quit worrying about your health, it’ll go away”
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society”
“The worst thing about Europe is that you can’t go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee”
“Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is”
“… commodified faux bohemia on a platter, eliciting the same kind of numbing soul-sadness as children's beauty pageants, tiny dogs in expensive boots, Mahatma Gandhi in Apple ads “